My After 17th

Last night, I took a moment to visit this old blogsite of mine. Recalling back the good times sketching rough ideas, editing photos, and doing the typing to create wholesome posts. Also to ride into time capsules -- graduated from Sabah College, a trip to South Korea, and years of celebrating Chinese New Year with family & relatives.

Just like that, noisy sounds in my head:

"Maybe I should write a new post..."

"Ah~ tomorrow will be July 18th, I missed the pretty number-17 again."

"It's fine, the name is My After 17th after all, you gonna miss it again;"

"So, what am I gonna write?"

"You can talk about your whereabouts during the past years."

"Like what?"

"What are you doing, what happened to you... where have you been, when did it happen... why are you becoming this way; How come you can be so different from whom I knew? What do I want actually?

"I don't think I can make it. I couldn't do this in just one day."

Back into the real world, I put those noises on paused for a good sleep.

// the next morning (18 July 2024)

Maybe I should dip my toes once again -- to start writing a post again. If I fail again, it's okay. Just end the post as it is.

Welcome back, dear self. I am back :)

There are so many things I am willing to share with my blogreaders. But I always have this one problem that hinders me every time. I am seriously a PERFECTIONIST (and also a PROCRASTINATOR). This combo needs to get off from me. I'm so tired of juggling between these two traits that I never know will manipulate me abruptly.

I will start with, playing games [cool, I see myself typing quicker than earlier rn]

For some games, we all know that who gets the highest score wins. Then, this ridiculous competitive spirit was born in me. I played many games, I started to use a computer at the age of 3-4. My parents kept telling something about me: knocking on the door, wanting to enter the room because [someone] was setting up the computer and equipping the Internet service in the room with my dad. I know that this is gonna be a big deal for me.

Another game theory is: If you win a match with three stars, that means you are pro YYDS. Growing up playing games, I tried to get all the stars without missing out. I would say, visually unpleasing.

Wow, you're doing great on the first try!

It's okay, maybe just this one time. Try again to win it :)

Ugh~ I need to work harder for that one missing star.

No way, I got even worse than my first try?

I gotta retry until I get all of 'em.

That's how I wasted my time just to do things perfectly (in my eyes, for my eyes). I'm still stuck dwelling on my losses. Never would I imagined that I may eventually lost all the saved game data. Naming the GBA games I played would be nice to kill up some time here... but maybe not now;

There are many more things I can relate to the results of being a perfectionist + procrastinator. For example, creating a new post here:

"If only I were a good writer, I would never have long breaks on this blogsite."

"If only I felt sufficient of myself, I would write a new post with ease."

"If only I knew I will miss it again, I would never turn back to this blogsite again."

~ Literally spent almost 3 hours for this post. Much unnecessary.

Be back for random posts again, bye!

My After 17th

Sunday, August 18, 2024

My Bambangan Day

Thursday, July 18, 2024

My R.A.N.T #012 Miss it again